Enriching our Marriage

We do ourselves a big favour by loving our spouse/partner

The most important modeling we do for our children is to love their parent/ our partner

Marriage is hard work and doesn't become more fulfilling by accident or through the passing of time alone.

The basic idea of this inventory is that each of us goes away to a quiet place, and spends at least 24 hours thinking about the issues. These cover the basics, but there may be more...

Some of headings deliberately overlap: as in all surveys, that helps us cover the most important 'bases'

Then, go away for a long evening meal together, or a weekend, and listen carefully to each other's responses...

All the best: I'm cheering for you!

~~~

1. When we first met, and early in our romance, I was especially attracted by your....

2. Over the years, the qualities I have most appreciated in you are....

3. I love it when you....

4. The happiest time/s in our marriage have been....

5. The hardest times in our marriage for me have been....

6. Some of the 'triggers' which have made those times difficult have included....

7. In our communication, let's work on.... When we argue I feel that...

8. Our financial arrangements are O.K. in these areas.... but we may need to work on ....

9. Our sexual life is OK when.... but let's work a bit harder on....

10. In terms of parenting, I reckon when we look back we'll be grateful for.... but will also be sorry about....

11. When we make decisions I feel OK about.... But I'd be happier if ....

12. Each partner needs some freedom to pursue their own recreation/interests/ friends/personal
and professional development... Are the time/s and contexts for these OK for each of us? I feel that couple-time, individual time and family time can be better balanced if...

13. What kind of marriage enrichment-time should we budget for? What should we do together?

14. My goal and hope for the next year, and the next five years for us is... To build a foundation for this we need to...

15. I believe that in our relationship we have the following strengths to build upon...

Extra material...

Shalom! Rowland Croucher

GLOBAL STATEMENTS ABOUT MARRIAGE

1. Every marriage needs regular special times for do-it-yourselves marriage enrichment, and perhaps a 'marriage check-up' with another person/couple every few years at least

2. Each of us needs empowering friendships outside our marriage

3. Each of us needs empowering relationships in our vocational situations (but we don't always have our preferred needs met, of course)

4. Life for the vast majority of people has not been served up as we would have wished in many or most respects. A good life is all about accepting what can't be changed; courage to change what can be changed; and having the gift of wisdom to distinguish one from the other...

5. When it's tough-going, let us examine thoroughly all the options and work honestly through all the issues before even thinking about running away...

6. Every person needs a nurturing mother (and father) during childhood, and a nurturing father (and mother) during early adolescence. If those are not our experiences, there will be a void in our lives which we may fill with some sort of addiction (romantic/sexual, workaholism, pornography, gambling, substance abuse etc.)

7. Under-fathered males tend to have wrong attitudes to women - seeking unhealthy relationships with women-as-nurturers, or reacting with fear to strong women who may shame them, or treating women sometimes as objects for sexual (or imaginative) gratification

8. Sex with your partner should be playful, rather than simply 'goal/orgasm oriented'

9. When there are Big Problems (or even if there aren't), it's very wise to 'live in the now', in day-tight compartments

10. Gratefulness is the key to happiness

(Summary of random ideas put together with a client-couple)

Rowland Croucher